I miss you I miss you I miss you!

*laughs in tears*

I don't know what to do already.. I'm so.....


"I hear wedding bells ringing.."

Lately, whenever I feel down in the pits, or cranky like a PMS-hit woman full of angst, I can only turn to two particular songs. I can vividly recall the moment when he serenaded me with one of it. The other is just too much of a reminiscent. It really sucks just thinking about it. Or him, for that matter.

He was an aquaintance-turned-friend, an unexpected fling, an unconventional subject of desire, a curious confider, and a person with a talent that rouses me each time I encounter with almost anyone with it.

I missed our chemistry the very first time. I got hung up over the time I spent days and nights with him after that, which lasted for over a month at least. That was until I befriended a fellow national of his somewhere overseas. They had simliar backgrounds and I could relate so much to the new friend I found. Still, I frequently got reminded of him.

Months passed before another encounter came by and surprise, surprise. I was not over it. I know my soft spot for him remains. I occasionally missed those times that were so carefree, funny, and spontaneous in a unique way. Now is one of them.

Speaking of which, I despise my 'acts of pleasure' even if some felt real. I held an invisible torch for maybe one of them whom I had an infatuation with, coupled with a huge admiration for his personality and ambitions. But that was years ago. And what's past is past. Period.

So now, going international has brought my matured perspectives to new greater heights. He was the first. Then again, the ones that came after him were more pleasing to the senses. I wasn't sure if it was because of the convenience of my newfound singlehood, or that my first brush with such novelty was just too strong to wear off.

Sure, a particular somebody sparked off a certain interest in my subconcious mind years ago when I first met him. Truth be told, our first ever face-to-face conversation revolved around this topic of breakdancing. So it's somewhat no thanks, yet loadsa thanks to him for the present moment, depending on how you look at it.

But this time around, this him, catapulted my curiosity and heightened interest even further beyond the region and around the world. My getaway escapades with such reasons have already materialized more than just once. I can only say that there's more to come.

It is beyond most people's comfort zone whenever I tell them about these 'events'. The reasons I get to go around and about on this planet. Haha. From getting there, to actually being there.. Surreal. It's thrilling, I swear.

Well, with that said, such moments are constant reminders as to how I gained so much more insight on this phenomenal talent. All thanks to his short presence but one that has created such a great impact on me. I could never get bored with silly thoughts or memories of them all.

It's just so hard to make others comprehend, that I feel it's redundant to even try. Me being hung up this much and this long has never felt so real and deep. I can't seem to understand it myself, yet I think I know the reasons why.

He was like the boyfriend I never had, and know I'll never have.

Ah yeah that's right
All you single people out there
This is for you
Yeah


I'm not waiting around for a man to save me ('Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me (No, no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby (Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me... Whole

Make your move if you want
Doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up
You either got it or you don't


This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm trading places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

I'm single (Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single (Right now)
That's how I'm gonna be


Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good (I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood


This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm trading places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

I'm single (Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single (Right now)
That's how I'm gonna be


Everything in it's right time everything in its right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way... It's my way
Yes I like it this way

I love my job. That's not to say I simply luuurrve what I do. Scope-wise, it's fine. It works the brain, sometimes more than a couple of brains because of one particular issue. There are the different 'lines of business' and that's when upgrading yourself with endless trainings come into place.

What's good is that you don't face any customer while dealing with them. What's better is when you're actually dealing with them on the phone, while sitting cross-legged on a swivel chair wearing a sleeveless top and a pair of berms. And once off the hook, you're back to plugging in your earphones blasting off your music. Is that cool or what?

It's fun too having random casual chats and cracking private jokes once in a while. Friendships develop more often than not. And travelling plans always come up. Well, see.. That's the point that I'm getting into. Most times, it's as good as packing up and go hours before the flight departs. It's almost too easy for us. So that was how I started off. *grins*

Now with the airline merger finally being approved and that we're onto the next phase where it wll be finalized in time to come, so much more's being offered. Money incentives will be thrown at us and our flight network will expand beyond anything else. It's really good to know that I'll only have more places to go to in the future!

I'm expecting some crunch time as well since I'll be completing my degree simultaneously. For sure it's gonna be work-study-travel time for me. As it is already, I have made plans for the whole of next year's itinerary. Well, almost. Some will be made known, some will be kept mum. *sniggers* I'm not tellin'!

Oh yes.. News flash! I'm one of the top performers in the office out of hundreds. Hehe. I actually have been since I started going solo on the job more than half a year ago. Nothing to be too damn proud of but it's always good to know.

No doubt office politics *always* happen regardless where you go, I choose to turn blind and deaf to such unwanted nonsense. Meeting up to management's expectations can be a tough thing to do but challenges make everything work. And nope, I don't feel like my brain's turning to mush. In any case, it's a jungle of information overload up here! So yea. That's my job for you.

Some deem success as having financial gains that will totally make your world go round, while some reach out for higher education, a much higher education and beyond. Some have deep family values and having a stable one is a big humongous achievement. Others are simply humanitarian and would love to make a difference to their community and the world.

Mine's simple. I need to travel to places and see the world. I thrive on the thrill of the unknown and the unexpected. Novelty wins me over any time. It seems like this success is starting to kick off, on an overdrive I must add!

So I'm thinking.. Probably the one and only motivation that's keeping me going in this industry and my current company is the fact that I can be on the move around the world to almost anywhere, anytime I want. I don't need to be in no business suit having formal meetings now and then just so I can travel across continents.

Going to work in the most simplest casual thing I can possibly wear, and be in my own world seated with my music on while doing my thing. And when I feel like I wanna up and go, I won't need that much money to cover my every expense. The best part? Travelling alone. The more spontaneous it is, the better. Oh hell yes.

I'm livin' the life yo!

..and Wing from Korea took the crown this year in Paris! Woohoo!

Super random, but he snatched the title from Ronnie at this year's Redbull BC One. Amazing. Both he and Lil Ceng were my faves but hey, nothing beats the Asians. Or the Koreans, rather. :D

So yea. Next trip is probably gonna come up again very soon. Planning, planning, planning. And anticipating the flights. Shitzer..

But I sure can't wait!

Just watching them live gave me goosebumps. Just seeing each other again made me smile so much in recollection. Everything rushed back to me like a flashflood and I thought it was pretty surreal that their comeback here actually materialized.

It was a great weekend to say the least. Nothing intense. Just loads of naughty juicy happenings not just to me, but to our dear best friend! Foursome hun.. yes, yes.. Foursome. ONLY. *wonders in glee* Haha!

Anyway. It went by super fast and before I knew it, off they went to return back home. I actually lamented to him after their departure (or during their flight home, rather) on their very brief stopover here. I can't wait for the next!.. Of whatever that comes first!

So as usual, that annoying sinking feeling loomed upon me while I was on my way home alone. What with the songs that I had plugged in, it felt almost exactly the same like four months ago. Only this time around, it wasn't me who was leaving on a jet plane.

I came to realize that I am capable of getting hung up over him more than anyone else, more so than even the intellectual charmer who comes and goes. Surprising, but obviously very pleasing.

Funny how that quality time spent in less than forty eight hours could possibly leave so deep an impression in my mind and causes weird commotions in the heart. Funny why I start to harbour so much at the slightest thought of it.

I still don't know what it is exactly, and why it has to happen.
But one thing's for sure. I'm just grateful. *smiles*

I'm amazed at how much rush I have to go through each time during my off days lately. It often involves gymming more often than not, and other miscellaneous stuff. That, with some super last minute plans to eat out and yep, makes my day and night anytime! Especially when it comes to the mister. It somehow makes the rush all worth it. :)

It went fine. We had Italian for dinner followed by drinks. After which, it was off to his place where it was full house. Everyone was in and they even had a visiting friend staying over. So the whole group literally ended up being divided equally into two groups; the 'drenge og piger'. *winks*

We girls pretty much chatted excitedly and lamented about our travel escapades. 'Desperate Housewives' came on later and we watched it together with the guys' loud incessant conversations still going on in the background. It felt a bit like being in a slumber party though it was far from it. Haha.

Well, slumbertime only happened much later. Anyhow, feels like it's gotten more comfortable, candid, playful, and easier in between. I realized how much I missed during our hiatus which kept getting longer and longer over time. Nonetheless, it's always good when a next time came.

More deeper conversations about life and the future came up too, and it's refreshing for me to know someone personally who acknowledges the importance of having the balance of education, career, and family. WITH the plans in practice. I honestly think it's a rare find nowadays.

Oh, and Mom knows about a particular thing. Kept asking for details when I was away at hers. Also asked if I've gifted it away now that I'm home. She was pretty damn sure it'd be well-received. Haha. Sure thing, Mom. But see, I haven't yet decided for which occasion!

Dumdeedum.

*grins sheepishly*

I suddenly missed my first time making it on my own.

I missed that short exchange weeks before the meet-up.

I missed making those spontaneous plans in a matter of days, in reverse order.

I missed taking the first flight out alone into the unknown.

I missed being brought around to so many places.

I missed those feasts with different people, who I ended up being friends with.

I missed the walks late at night and those moments when we chilled.

I missed the talks and random laughs.

I missed being the English tutor.

I missed having rounds of it.

I missed browsing through that iPod Touch for the awesome music, vids and pics.

I missed those open conversations and sharing secrets.

I missed the person who provided me with endless hospitality unconditionally.


I suddenly miss it all, still very much so.


I can't deny how the heart reacts to what the mind says.

Just forty eight hours and that felt like enough quality time, although more would be great. Just two days and there was more substance in the time spent than in getting to know someone for two months.

It only proves something.. But what?

Yes it was a success on another solo trip, and another success on yet another airline! I have faith in others except for the one that I'm working for really. Haha.

Before I get into details, let's just say that there are two parts to this. One's the part where I was totally on my own making my way to places, and the other was where everyone from all over the world came together for THE Battle of the Year.

An experience taken to a whole new level. Which brings me to say my commonly used word to describe such a dope feeling..

AWESOME!!!

Can I further emphasize on how fab and surreal it was just being there, without screaming it out loud? Damn I'm missing it already. Missed being alone on foreign land, getting a bit lost occasionally (an understatement), observing the Germans, being in the quite but not so familiar crowd (BOTY SEA '08 was a small starter), and just being.. Solo. Always lovin' it. *grins*

Oh yea, I attended the screening for Planet B-Boy too and man, was it good! It's a definite must-watch. So inspiring, so emotional, so real. I'm really glad I was there for it before going for the huge event.

Ok so now I'll cut to the chase. I was about three rows behind the most frontal and central view but it was a bit of a suffering because of some tall morons and a few drunkards who caused a little chaos now and then. But it was fine. Just that I couldn't concentrate proper on the performances.

Came second half and it was more of a relief. I figured that corner front had the best view and yup, that was where I ended up at. My favourite from Korea did a fantastic job and I think they improvised on certain parts that just made their showcase a whole lot better, bearing in mind I didn't quite like the one I saw at the region's finals.

France was tight and the other from Korea was good too as always. Hee. I kinda liked USA's even though they didn't make it to the top. I can imagine what I missed the last time I was in Hollywood being so close to watching the competition. Oh well.

Still, I was always in awe during the whole time regardless of the fainting spells I had from the lack of food and from standing way too long. But I'm not complaining! Haha.

I was thrilled at the judges' choice of finalists. Too bad they only had to pick the four best, because they were all so good. Truth be told, my favourite progressed onward for the Final Battle.. Woohoo! Now that was when I stood right smack in front by the railing where I had a full view of everyone on stage.

Well, it was actually thanks to a guy who was pretty concerned if I had an unblocked view or not. Few times he asked during the second half if I could see, or if I wanted to take his place in the front. So I kept saying that it was fine and rejected him, but not until it was time for the deciding battle. I took the chance and asked him straight. Haha. He was sweet though. :)

Oh. And if my judgement served me right, I think he's French; both from what I thought I heard him speak and also from his looks. Kinda reminded me a bit of that young charmer, just that this one's a b-boy. He smelt good too! I had no choice.. I was literally squashed against him from behind most of the time. It's not like I can help it! Hehe. *grins*

Anyhow. It was an intense fifteen minutes. Both were exceptional but when it came to the results, I was disappointed that my fave ended up as runners-up. It also showed on their tired faces. Nonetheless, it was one hell of a great decent battle.

Oh, and Salah from France? He just rocks my socks. And everyone else's too for sure. He is GOOOOD. Effing too good to be true. The emcees as usual, they cracked up the audience ever so often. It was just so super being there. Word has it that next year's gonna be a special treat since it's their 20th anniversary.

I sure can't wait for that one. Definitely gonna be there for it when the time comes, and witness everything else related in the world of extraordinary b-boys around the globe. Watching this event live has won my respect and admiration for them even more. Damn right.

Much love.

Ryan settled into his first year of college pretty quickly. He liked his classes and his roommate, and he especially liked the weekly series of parties that started on Thursday and continued through the weekend. As he quickly discovered, drinking seemed to be the main social activity on campus. Ryan hadn't been much of a drinker in high school, but soon he was matching his friends beer for beer on the weekends.

Gradually, Ryan's drinking began to affect his grades and his relationships. He slept in more, missed classes, and fell behind on assignments. His girlfriend broke up with him after she caught him with another girl — he hadn't meant anything by it, but after a few drinks it didn't seem like a big deal. On another night he passed out and couldn't remember how he got back to his dorm room.

It wasn't until one of his friends had to be rushed to the emergency room for alcohol poisoning that Ryan began to wonder if he had a drinking problem of his own. He had heard a name for what he was doing: binge drinking.


Typical, typical. Sad how I know some people who have similar ways like this. They think they are the life, living the life. Little do they know how much alcohol can kill other things in life. I lost a relationship to it. Enough said.

Of course, you lose your mind now and again. And unless you're a rich-ass who's got a gigantic bank account, then yea. You'll burn your pockets with a snap of the fingers.

The fun of experimenting with different drinks is losing its novelty. Appreciating drinks has almost lost its meaning completely.

I think I've gotten myself under self-control, and I'm glad to have met a few who are of my equivalent; a few of those whose lives don't revolve around the crazy world of excessive alcohols and drunk madness, round the clock.

My time is due.

I am screwed. I feel so lousy and utterly fucked. Figure of speech, literally, whichever. It's not untrue anyway.

*screams in silence*

Ouch that hurts. Non-existant screams that turned into tears of frustration instead. I cannot believe myself. I want to die. Can I?

She's right, I AM conflicted. This itself in between is already enough to rip my thoughts apart. What's gonna happen when another comes? Will it remain neutral or will something evolve from where we left off? Either way, that won't be too long before I find out.

I don't know if this getaway with a purpose will be a good thing. Hell, does it even matter. I'm just gonna look forward to and make the best out of it.

So fucked.

I had that certain kinda 'shit-in-the-pithole' kinda feeling, regarding my own thoughts and the emotional roller-coaster ride I was(am still) on. It was nothing emo-ish but it just struck a chord of what happened years ago. Like how proactivity or being the slightest expectant can bring you so down if things suddenly don't turn out the way you want it to.

See, when I *thought* that it occured to me, I suddenly had silent questions bombarding my conscious mind and I sorta slammed them back with conclusions. Conclusions that were very conclusive, like ok.. That's it. That's the end.

Well, turned out I was wrong. It was brief, yes. But as always, sweet. And this time around, it was pretty surprising. I can't make head or tail of whatever that's going on exactly. But whatever it may be, it ain't a one-time thing. At least for now.

Oh yes. Did I mention that the different characters are coming from all directions, and conjoining together at the same time soon? The young one will probably never come under the spotlight ever again, but I'm not complaining. It'll save me from dealing with extra issues in any case.

Anyway. True, it'd be interesting. And I'm sure as hell damn curious on how I'll deal with it all at once. Super! Sounds almost tantalizing but heck, noone ever said having the best of all worlds is easy. Ever.

I binged on god knows how many kinds of alcohol and it was all good. I was expectant of being in a pretty much-awaited company last night but I ended up with something more fun, more familiar. And the series of events that followed only raised the heat.

Anyhow, before that. A completely unplanned night that had the both of us chilling during the early part of the night. The good news from the bestie literally plastered a permanent grin on my face. *GRINS* I shan't be in denial anymore and admit that I'm a self-confessed groupie! Woohoo I can't wait!

So yes. The mister suddenly suddenly decided to contact me and yep, that was how I ended spending the rest of my evening. With a bunch of peeps just like the old times. What was way more interesting, though, was the kind of conversations we had when we were out and about and at home too. Talk about being open! And coming from him, never did I expect that such a time would come for us to lay our thoughts and feeelings on the table like how we did.

So basically, regardless of the juicy facts that we exchanged about ourselves, I found myself being proud of the fact that both of us had so much honesty put through. What followed much later at home didn't put me in a state of feeling sucky either. I'm glad the night happened. :)

Oh, I actually had a very brief meet-up with him sometime in the midst of our drinking frenzy. It came quite unexpectedly and I kinda rushed off suddenly not knowing if it was gonna take a short while or if we were gonna end up together for the rest of the night.

Disappointingly or not, it was just a short conversation for a short few minutes and off we parted going back to where we were originally hanging out at. Seems to me like things may have changed. The intensity seems to have died down perhaps? Oh well.

I can't stand being with the opposite sex sometimes, but I can't do without them either. It truly is a love-hate relationship on this roller coaster ride.

And so now I'm back to the mundane. After a fab getaway to another island. *winks*

I hope this weekend will turn out good. Because not only was last weekend great, but this week started out just as fantastic if not better! Such a waste to have only one miserable working day before TGIF after which the weekend follows. Nonetheless, awesome trip to Mom's place this time around! I reckon this is better than those trips made to Italy. Just.. Different. I absolutely loved it. *grins*

I test drove a hot sports car, flew a C130 on its simulator, hung out till late with the fam at the bowling alley, hit the beach and took that thrilling ride that went out far into the ocean, volunteered at one of the Marine's bases, and did impulsive shopping now and then. Let's not go into the food part.. What feasts!

Speaking of which, I think Mom's allowing her friends' husbands to hook me up with a Marine. Gonna be hand-picked by them with the right kinda criteria; in his twenties, has to be at least an officer at rank, of compatible height, and only those non-troublemakers may apply. Haha. Oh, I kinda told her only much later at night that I'd pass on the whites and that mixed-blood ones would be good. And she agreed la! Hahaha.. Sweet!

Well, what happened was that I went looking around the area where Mom has been volunteering at the Relief Centre or some Red Cross department. Somehow I ended up helping with some coupons and her friends and their husbands were in the same room and we were all chatting simultaneously.

Then came to the topic of having kids, marriage and dating, in that order. Don't ask. Finding and communicating with each other online before everything else happens, and talk about a marriage proposal on the second date! I was forewarned. So one of the dudes asked me to stand up and estimated my height before coming up to me minutes later to have my picture taken with his handphone.

Thing was, Mom and I were just playing along and I even left my name and email address when they requested. But it sure looked like the guys already had something up their sleeves. The one who snapped a photo of me left almost immediately and said he was gonnna go start looking around.

Proactive huh? For real? Beats me! A Marine as a husband.. Hmm. Sure as hell never crossed my mind before. Even Mom didn't stop them and said to give her one month's notice so that I'll have enough time, and that my trip should be longer when the time comes. Gee mom. Then again, we've seen many of them around and about. Some single, some married. Oh, and those with kids of mixed heritage.. So damn gorgeous. So effing cute!

Ah well. It will be fun while it lasts. As it is already, I have plans for next year. Seems like they can't be confirmed and it's all gonna take some waiting and more waiting. I suddenly have so much to think about and so much to plan.

But that's how I like it.

Let the unexpected happen. Bring it on!

Not many matter but of those few, of you course you do hun!
Where're our pictures.. I want.. Meet up soon when I return!

Speaking of which, I'm owed a lot of pictures lately. Hmm.

So anyway, I was behind the wheel of a red hot sports car, a Toyota MR2 no less! For a licence-less first-timer, any owner of such a car would naturally be VERY anxious. Haha. But it was one good try and I can't wait to earn my license very soon.

Oh. I flew the C130 too, after the crash course at driving. I almost nose-dived at some terrain and I crashed the military plane thrice near the runway. It would have caused so much chaos if it was real, but nope! It was just a flight simulator. So chill.. Hee. It was damn fun nonetheless!

So after that was pretty much walking around the American village with my bro and it sure felt like home just hanging around from place to place. Considering it's my first day, it felt like I've done many things already. And yes, pigging out is not an option; it's a necessity that keeps me satisfied whenever I'm travelling. :D

So the night ended with the whole fam hanging out at the bowling alley in the American base with a friend. What fun! By the way, there are so many military bases here and this country is almost half populated with the Marines. So much so that it doesn't feel like I'm in Japan at all. It can be quite a sight sometimes. *winks*

Sunday's gonna be pretty mellow I'm guessing, and maybe some beach time. I had so many consecutive sleepless days/nights that I'm totally worn out right now. Oh well, can't afford to waste much time resting here! So it will be an early night tonight, I hope.

On a different note altogether, I'm starting to miss someone's company. Maybe just a little, I think. I wonder what will happen next. Or if anything at all. One month is not enough. I wish something decent will come out of it at the end of it all. Otherwise it's gonna be another disappointment for me to get over. It's becoming like a norm, like I can't do with enough disappointments to last me for a lifetime.

Another 'calling' for me to pursue my education further came up yet again from the sudden desire to get more out of life. To upgrade myself with a world-recognized cert, to meet more people, to have more opportunities to travel while studying, and also from a slight inspiration from him. The thought's more enlightening this time around. I feel less stressful and more anticipative for when the time comes for me to give it my best shot.

Whatever the outcome may be in any aspect, I'm just gonna be hoping for the best and let's see if it all rolls out smoothly for me. Really, I still believe change is the only constant thing in life.

It was an easy one. The whole travelling process went without a glitch and I was so relieved. Let's hope the return would be as good, though I have a bit of worry in some work admin matters. Anyhow, I'm so glad I'm here with the fam! :D

Haven't really been out and about but it'll start once I'm done with this post. So much to do and see, and my stay will most probably be extended just because I have to. It's a good last minute mess to say the least.

Well, there isn't much to say now but once there is, trust that this will be kept posted.

Till then, hugs and kisses to those who matter. *smiles*

The F1 Grand Prix was awesome!! Never did it cross my mind that I'd be there to witness the spectacular event 'LIVE', during the finals no less. It was so thrilling watching them racing cars zoom by and the sounds of those loud roaring engines are still droning in my ears. I think my eardrums pretty much grew numb from the noises that I didn't bother shutting my ears after a while.

And talk about the dramatic twists of fates of the racers.. Happening. The ooohs and aaahs from the spectators were almost unanimous and I thought it was quite amusing. Though he came in third, Hamilton is still just as good. And being hot is an understatement. Whoever his girlfriend is, or will be, is to be envied. :)

Well, it was actually thanks to dearest PK Bits who *suddenly* remembered that she rejected free passes offered by her sister. Re-jec-ted. Gee babe.. Guess it's thanks to our meet-up the night before that we ended up going for it! So now we're probably gonna follow up on the Grand Prix in other cities around the world.. Virgins, I tell you. Tsk.

After which, it was percussion galore by different ethnic groups and hell, Wicked Aura rocked. I've never saw them perform live and just based on that small scale performance, I made a mental note to check out for their upcoming shows. By the way, it was the closing night of the River Fest at CQ. For a Sunday, it sure was fab for me. What a treat!

Relative to that, the night before was mellow and I'd say the time wasn't fully utilized. Nonetheless, it was great the day after, and also before.. Now that one was purely accidental. I felt quite lousy and disoriented the moment I woke up and realized I overslept and was late for work. On an afternoon shift. I must have really gone dead to the world for a few hours then.

So obviously the next step I had to take was clear enough. Went through a rather quick process of obtaining my medication for my 'sickness' and then headed off to catch up with my buddy for a short while before spending the rest of the evening at the gym.

See, that's when the surprise invitation came and we met up few hours later, after some waiting that almost made me give up. Technically, by then it was pretty much considered the next day already. But the night's always too young for anything.

First thing we did was to catch up on how we spent our days that passed, and what we did for the day. A concert that went on earlier in the evening was apparently very good, but that tired look I saw on the face pretty much told me that it had been a long day. Nonetheless, TGIF! After that, it was just a drink before a dance and off we went.

Having that presence around me has never felt disappointing. And it seems like being experimental has always came to us spontaneously. I just feel really good finding physical comfort that's provided to me ever so naturally. It's hot, yet sweet. As much as I may sound gullible, it really is something novel to me.

Some issues were raised from the things we did, and that made us make a trip in search for some 'medical solutions'. Quite honestly, I didn't think it would end up in a situation with such dire consequences even though we were going at a rate that was just.. Mind-blowing.

We parted after a light lunch and well, our efforts were fruitless. Assurance from me was given that everything was going to be alright. As always, that sweet parting happened in the midst of a very crowded train station where we each left for the train at the same time.

I guess from then on, the next time I'll be catching a glimpse of that smile, would only be about two weeks later. Or at least I think so. *grins*

It went wrong. Completely awry. Trip was shortened. Purpose of visit was defeated. Feeling of being there just wasn't.. there. The worst came when he had to be left behind alone without me for almost two days. Enough said, I guess.

The only thing that I enjoyed was the shopping and chilling at this particular 24-hour restaurant. The rest was.. Yea.. They pretty much painted a messy picture.

Even feelings got complicated and they fluctuated all the time, I thought I was going nuts. Can't seem to wash my hands off of these redundant yet bugging issues completely. I'm so tired of it that I'm void of it all over again right now.

But. The meet-up prior to departure was a good last-minute thing. I would have an unknowing smile each time I recall it back occasionally during the trip. Just too bad it couldn't have lasted longer. I'm anticipating the next that's to come.

Anyhoo, I've sorta decided that 'home' is the best place to be at.
Trust me babe. Hands down, NYC is IT. *grins*

It's starting to itch again..

That feeling.. It honestly, truly sucks. BIG time. BIG effing time. Ugh.

Yes. Getting bumped off the first flight of the journey, and it being the one and only daily flight out really made our day. Wow. Superb.

So now we're left with only a night's stay at our destination. Spending the whole time there on the event date and doing some side shopping and sightseeing should be at least something. Though I really hope I'm not speaking too soon right now.

It's a wasted day waiting for one day to pass just so we could *try our luck again. Pfft. I upped it a little and waitlisted ourselves on business class. That should do the trick. Then again, I know better when it comes to airport operations.

Anyhow, I wasn't planning to allow myself to stay home on a Saturday night. So as someone goes into hiding at my place, for certain reasons, I finally broke the news to Miss RDP and yes, I will be meeting her.. Finally! So it's not so bad after all. I'd like to regard it as a blessing in disguise.

On a similar yet different note, I received no response. I figured maybe the message wasn't sent through, or maybe a last minute overseas trip was made.

Or it could be that the response would come in much later in the evening. Either way, it was mentioned before that plans were gonna be made with the rest.

But I'm good, really. I wasn't going to get myself worried for no apparent reason.

Just that I had a dream (?) of a text message stating that it was lunchtime with two women at the same time, who were from two different countries. As soon as I got up, I felt weird and started recalling back waking up to messages from my phone. I wonder what it meant if it really was a dream. Bizarre.

I'm still having a hard time trying to remember if that really happened or whether it was just a figment of my imagination. It's like I'm experiencing a bout of amnesia.

Oh well. Whatever it is, I definitely can't wait for the next.

For now, pray super goddamn hard that everything will go smoothly come eleven hours later. *crosses fingers and toes*

My words were actually remembered, thought was put into it, and all else materialized when I didn't think anything would come up. So unexpected. So delightful. *smiles*

Furthermore, I will be away for the weekend so that only pre-determined my plans of what's next. Because if what happened didn't happen, I'd probably screw up my own plans and play it out all because of a moment's folly. Two weeks! Doubt I could trust myself to keep my promises in that case.

Second thoughts still crossed my mind once in a while but I reckon I should carry out whatever that was planned way before in advanced. Hell, I wouldn't wanna miss getting away whenever I could. So this is definitely one of those. And after all the trouble that I went through? Na-ah! I am so gonna make this one happen.

I have a taste of what it's like to be in such a stressful situation so this one shouldn't be too hard. Either way, pray damn hard everything goes according to plan. We sure don't need any risks because it's too short a time and our plans will be spoiled, and the purpose of us going over will be defeated and.. Yea.

Anyhoo, yes it will be short but I'm sure it'll be loads of fun. I choose not to let side issues affect our time there and let's hope all goes well. After all, the anticipated event at such a venue will be hot for sure. Gonna be mad excitement!

Well, now that that's that, I'll have slightly over a week till the next one. I think I pretty much have an idea of what to do so I sure can't wait!

And I miss my 'domestic partner' terribly! These few weeks seemed like forever babe. Soon better come quickly. We need to inspire each other and have our plans reorganized again.. Haha. We've sooooo much to catch up on! Oh, but I bet you already have an inkling to it. *winks*

Till I return!

Coming to two weeks now, and it all looks very.. Nice. Not sweet nonsense kinda nice, but it's the form of communication that we've been having with the respectable distance and space, which is like an unspoken mutual understanding.

Still, each meeting will be an anticipated one and it almost always ends with something too good to be disclosed here.. And then yea. When it comes to the partings, those are what I'd like to call sweet. :)

Nothing abrupt, no feeling of being left hanging on a wonder with many questions. Nothing of that sort. Each one is almost like a prequel on its own to something new, to the next experience. I'm guessing this could probably turn out to be a weekly affair.

It's a great thing when two very curious people get together. Ideas and thoughts just spill over and they build up from there. There's always a next time, knowing that something spontaneous might happen but without having complete certainty of what's to come. I find it so.. Me. That unplanned, carefree mindset of 'whatever happens, happens'.

The only difference is that this comes as one attractive package customized to my own liking. Shared common interests, that drive in a person that I've always admired since forever, the abilities and capabilities that shine through one's knowledge and experience. All that, with a touch of class.

And nope, I wasn't even looking for anything close to that, when it sprung onto me abruptly and jolted my senses. But it came anyhow. The only thing I'd hope for now is that time to be put on a standstill, and make a year seem like one eternity.

It sparked off out of the blue with much firmness, and with an aura that oozed sexy nonchalance right from the beginning. It was an intellectual encounter to say the least. It was definitely fresh blood.

Very inclined towards everything Spanish, it was a shared interest that occasionally became a topic of the frequent conversations. The mix of heritage created an equation of an impressive-looking being, with an impressive collection of experiences and an interesting history.

What was more interesting, though, was that I was made to be the one at the receiving end. In many aspects so far, since things moved pretty fast within a few days. The best part? It didn't sound or look like it will be ending anytime soon. The one-year presence over here could probably be one of the reasons why.

Then again, I could be wrong. I could have spoken much too soon right now. Being expectant obviously turns out to be disappointing judging from past experiences. But each get-together would always be spontaneous and like a norm, each parting will end with that charming aloofness, just touch-and-go.

So now, I sometimes feel like I'm treading on deceivingly calm waters with hidden dangers. It's all good and decent. Everything suits fine. But who knows for sure? I shan't be pessimistic where I know I'll end up stereotyping a true blue gentleman. Then again, neither shall I be optimistic and turn proactive on this one.

Wanting something different, yet seemingly out-of-reach.. Here comes another!
It's a weakness of mine that has always been, and will always be one.

Don't you dare fall again, girl..

I'm still wide awake with thoughts of places to go. Thinking of what to do, where, when and with whom. I just can't keep still! I'm considering of sooo many places to go to fill up my months for the rest of the year. :D

I have a feeling this is soon going to become a bad habit of mine. Maybe it already is! *sighs* Where, where, where should I go next..

I'm inevitably messing up my own head stressing over financial matters and time constraints. Oh, let's not forget the flights. STRR-ESSS-FULL.

But what can be done if my mind refuses to rest, and instead it keeps on pondering of the many many travelling opportunities..?

See, all I need is a monthly escapade. Enough to maintain my sanity.

Really.

It felt like my head made a 360-degree turn clockwise and back. Felt like my heart leapt to the clouds then fell down to the concrete ground.

I woke up this afternoon and realized I received a message from him. Exactly two weeks since our departure. I never expected that he would but he did. It was really sweet, what was said. He's still so dearly missed that's for sure.

Oh but then again, don't we all miss one another.. Yes? No, I don't want any added confusion so.. Yes. For real. I think? Oh hell. This annoys the crap outta me.

To make matters umm.. a little bit harder, Mr birthday boy had to call me up minutes after midnight and we had a very interesting conversation.

Am I right? Or were you really seriously too high on something? It's so hard to understand you sometimes. Whatever was said left me speechless for awhile after we hung up. I don't know what you want or don't want anymore babe. Get a grip on yourself!

I wonder what's next..

Geez. I'm a goner.

I'm hooked on this Japanese track for now.

Well, see.. I have a confession to make.

I am still hung up. Pretty badly.

It's horrible having to feel joy and sadness at the same time. It's contradicting but it's true. It's both Yes and No. It's a struggle to think straight when you know your feelings tells you otherwise.

I never asked for this. Nine weeks passed and I thought that's it. It already crossed the two-month mark. That should have been enough time getting over an unwanted loss that fell on me like an enormous rock. A loss completely unexplained to me.

Moved on, I did. I forced myself into the many distractions I could find and I guess I sorta 'escaped' to other countries just so I won't think about issues that were still unanswered. It was fruitful and I felt they helped. In fact, I kept pushing further to get out into the unknown.

But in some way or another, certain thoughts would come to mind. Despite feeling so happy being among others in a different world. Sometimes, a tiny voice from the back of my head will ask, 'What if he was here with me? What could we have done?'

I mentioned before, even meeting the countless other dudes from different places would trigger something about him. Not like I let it happen on purpose, it just has its own weird way of working its effect on me.

To help me overcome it all, I even assumed and came to a final conclusion that he probably hated me and had totally washed me out of his system. Apparently not..

So this is where it has brought me to. A state of confusion, hurt, and feeling lost.

I'm receiving double dosage of whatever he might be thinking or feeling now. There isn't gonna be a clear answer, I think. I know I'll be having a hard time fighting this and trying to be sensible.

It's not helping that his 25th is approaching within hours. In our history together, we have always been abroad during that time of the year. *sighs*

Goodness.. This is depressing. Is there such a thing as suicidal depression? I'd love to have that anytime now. This is way too tortuous than I thought it would be. Hell, this is beyond screwed up.

I don't know what to do anymore. At this time, I think I'm only doing one good job - and that's making my eyes turn red while running like tap water..

Why babe.. Why... Why??

Whatever it was that happened will remain within that good twelve hours.

It's enough to mess me up again, enough to question the credibility of the flame that was supposed to have already died out.

It hurts like no other. Not because it sucked. But because it was so.. Us. So nice. The good times. Recollecting memories of the past. I guess that sucked in its own way too yea?

I can't believe I let such a thing happen to me.. What was wrrrooong with me??

Blame it on the sickening heart. It will always have a soft spot for him. Seems my mind left a small space for certain thoughts of him too. Come to think of it, I zoned out to thinking of such on random occasions during my travel escapades..

This is uber messed up. Shit. Double triple shit.


Don't let yourself fall in the wrong places again..
It's enough to hurt one heart, don't end up hurting yours as well.

I woke up to Chris Brown's 'Forever' playing in my head, with a sudden reminiscent of that night's events.

Funny how I woke up to the song today without it being played anywhere, only to realize that I FINALLY have it downloaded on my computer the moment I got up to check on it seconds later. Why.. Why do this to me..

Almost exactly two weeks ago after the clock struck twelve on a Friday night, me and my girl were amidst an underground party with a huge bunch of people. It was literally underground, down in the basement. We were on the streets alcohol-shopping with them an hour or two before that.

It was after a rather gruelling walk in the day stretching into the night that met with a disappointment. Just because the two of us couldn't have the seafood we wanted for dinner. But it was all made up for during our wonderful lunch the next day.

Anyway, that particular song was a frequent sound everytime we stepped into the lounge area, it started to become like a commodity. But it being a nice song.. I can't complain, can I? And now memories of my stay there come flashing back each time the song plays like how I predicted it would be.

I remember how we were singing and dancing to it with our heads in the skies, especially on our last night. All in the company of, who else. *grins* I'm missing them all like crazy! Haha. I wish I could have them gathered up for one huge ass reunion, outing, dinner, party, whatever.

I hope to meet up with them again on separate occasions though. Opportunities to leave my footsteps on more places on Earth. :D

Right now as I'm posting this up, 'Forever' has been on repeat mode not surprisingly. The lyrics suited the whole atmosphere and even till now, memories are still very fresh in my mind and my heart warms up each time I think about it. :)

To all, I miss you so much..

I caught it two years back, and I went for it again this year. One big difference was that it comprised of the best ones in the whole of Asia this time around. Even the whole setup, sounds and atmosphere were way more cooler. It kinda gave out a vibe of the real thing where the International one will be at.

Now, that one's gonna be of gigantic proportions and it's gonna take some planning to get my ass there. Which is what I've started doing ever since the one in Asia ended. One word. Awesomeness.

I was impressed by almost all and definitely blown away by the top-notch ones. They were amazing. I'm super glad to announce that my favourite clinched the top spot after all. I was silently rooting for their win and I had a hidden sense of pride and admiration for them.

But those who made it through to the finals deserved every bit of the victory, no doubt. Just by watching them in pure amazement, it hit me that I cannot miss the big one.

I don't quite care if it takes me having to leave solo. It's not like I haven't got used to it, though I really don't mind some company. But that part is a bit tricky so.. I'll see how. :)

Missing times when I was away hanging out and having conversations with certain people pushed me even more to think and plan for it through and through. Oh well. I still got about two months and who knows what may happen within that time period.

What with other more 'confirmed' trips, so to speak, coming up before that date itself.. Oh yea it'll be tough! But exciting nonetheless. I can't wait for another one to materialize.

So for now, I'll be busy keeping myself updated. Laters!

A sudden random thought crossed our minds.

'One more babe? Can we? Should we?'

..followed by a series of sighs, shrugs, soft grunts, haiyas, repetitive 'should we?'s bouncing between the two of us that weren't helpful in helping us make up our minds..

'Ok ok.. Let's decide asap and I'll make the necessary arrangements?'

Turned out, it was the best decision that we made during the trip. Ironically though, because we had about two hours before we had to leave our 'home'.

So calls were made, money was forked out and voila! We had another twenty four hours to immerse ourselves in the joyous fun, twenty fours hours before we had to return to reality.

But the shopping and our conversation during the long aimless walk the next day were fun-filled. Very insightful too as we shared certain secrets that cannot be brought to erm.. Our country of birth? Na-ah. We chose to call this other place home, and maybe others that are upcoming too.

This just shows how so in denial and delusional we are. Ridiculous but not impossible! *grins*

So anyhow, we still had a party going on for us till the very last minute. But about an hour prior to our departure, I had an experience that will remain in my head for quite some time.

In fact, that makes the two of us. It's something that will possibly make me feel hung up over the times spent together with them. Or any encounter for that matter.

Truth be told, it all ended with a bang. A bang of fireworks and also in the form of a shot through our hearts.


I wait underneath the covers
All night beside you
And who could ever question any crying I do
My heavy heart is beating out a rhythm
All night inside me
And I fall a little harder everytime that I do

Watch me living it up, ya totally
Got me stuck in a rut, ya made for me
How am I gonna step up, and say to you
I get the feeling boy I want you, want you

Now conversation is tough because you're totally
Walking round all the stuff you wanna say to me
Words are never enough
Oh baby baby you turn my dust to gold

I can't speak French
So I'll let the funky music do the talking talking now
I can't speak French
So I'll let the funky music do the talking

I gotta let you know
I wanna give in to my temptation
And let my feelings show
I gotta let you know

-Can't Speak French by Girls Aloud


Words taken right outta our mouths, minds and hearts.

Why do we have to return babe? Why...


'Mon cheri..'

Bisous, monsieur..